I wanted to come up with a more clever title than Neiman Marcus Sucks but I’m gob-smacked and it’s the best I can do at the moment. Post your more clever headlines in the comments section. Best one wins . . . a gift certificate to Neiman Marcus! haha Nah, how about an iTunes gift card? Yeah, that’s it. Give me a better headline and I’ll give you $10 worth of tunes.

Why do they suck? The story starts with this little Juicy Couture outfit my cousin bought my son. He outgrew it about two minutes after he was born. Trouble is, I was so busy feeding him, diapering him, soothing him, and trying to get him to sleep, that I didn’t have time to return it to Neiman Marcus. My cousin thoughtfully left the $98 (gulp) price tag on it so I figured returning it would be a breeze.

I figured wrong. The woman in the customer service department looked at me like I had two heads. “We don’t even know if you bought that here,” she told me. Turns out that price tag was a Juicy Couture tag, not a Neiman Marcus one (but I KNOW the return address on the box was Neiman Marcus cuz my hubby and I had a good giggle trying to figure out which one of our friends shopped there). She explained that it could have come from the catalog department. I could go downstairs to gift wrap; they handle catalogue returns. Or I could go to the children’s department and see if they could exchange it.

I stood there with my stroller, bags, baby and ever-annoyed attitude and said something like, “can’t YOU call down to gift wrap?” but got nowhere. So we trounced over to the children’s department and were told that she’d never seen that outfit before. I won’t go into the details of her bad attitude.

In spite of it all, I saw a cute outfit and thought I’d splurge (not $98 splurge, but at $35, still a big splurge for an outfit that will be spit up on and that he will outgrow next week). The woman asked if we have an American Express or Neiman Marcus card. Yes to the first, uh, no, to the latter. But why, I wondered?

Cuz they ONLY take those two credit cards. My Visa is accepted everywhere, it seems, except Neiman’s.

How freakin’ stupid is that? I mean, everybody knows that it costs the store money every time you use your credit card and the card with the highest merchant fees is. . . you guessed it . . . AmEx.

Call me crazy but I expected to walk into that store, have them take that outfit back, no problem, and be escorted to the children’s department by a too-skinny, but helpful personal shopper. I mean, what else are you paying for at those stores if not the service? That is the expectation, no?

Macy’s would have taken it back, no questions.

I’ve actually had people ask if I was going to blog about Michael Jackson’s passing which surprised me a bit. I know this blog is random-y and all but I don’t have much to contribute to the conversation, except this: the moniker “King of Pop” was given to him by his public relations people. The media did not dub him that. It did not rise up organically. His press people used to tell the media that if they wanted to use his likeness in a promo (say they were going to feature an interview with him on “20/20″), they could not use it unless they referred to him as the “King of Pop.”

This is pretty standard fare in the world of marketing and PR. A lot of big stars won’t give interviews to magazines unless they guarantee them the cover. Some have lists of questions you are not allowed to ask. Journalists go along with it because they need that star to sell issues (or get eyeballs to shows).

This is not to say that Jackson did not perhaps earn or even deserve the designation. Just that there was a little stagecraft going on behind-the-scenes.

My husband likes to go into the office at the inhuman, ungodly hour of 6:15. OK, an ungodly quarter-hour, but you see my point, right? Who can get up that early? In fact, for me, any time before 10:00 a.m. is pretty much cruel and unusual punishment. Even if I wake up, I still want to lie in bed and pretend I can fall back asleep.

That was until my baby was born. Now he wakes me up early every morning (usually around 7:00) and I can’t wait to rush in and say “good morning” to him. He gives me the biggest, widest, most toothless smile ever. My heart melts and I forget that it’s still a little dark outside when I have such sunshine inside. (Yeah, it’s corny and yeah, I said it. Deal with it!)

We play a little; sometimes I bring him in my bed and he watches the lone ceiling fan in our home. (I hate ceiling fans.) I make him breakfast and we hang out and play until his nanny arrives (9:00 a.m.) and then I shower and get started on my work.

Sometimes, like this morning, I get an extra treat. Punkin woke up earlier than usual (6:30 – sigh) and so now he’s wearing himself out and ready for a nap. Guess where he’ll fall asleep? In my arms, as soon as I put my laptop down and go scoop him up.

Heaven!

I try to buy healthy, organic produce whenever I can, but there are some items, like avocados and onions, that most experts agree are o.k. to buy non-organic. Trouble is, whenever I’m at the grocery, I can’t seem to remember beyond “avocados: good; apples: bad.” (By “bad,” I mean conventional apples have too much gunk and I should be buying those organic.)

So I took the “dirty dozen” from the Environmental Working Group Guide (and their “clean 15″) and put them in a note in my phone.  Now when I’m standing in the grocery aisle talking to myself, I can whip out my phone and look up the list.

The guide is available as a PDF file, which may be more work than it’s worth to get in your phone. So here’s the list in plain text, straight from my phone to yours:

The “Dirty Dozen” (starting with the worst)
Peach
Apple
Bell Pepper
Celery
Nectarine
Strawberries
Cherries
Kale
Lettuce
Grapes (Imported)
Carrot
Pear

The “Cleanest 15″ (starting with the best)
Onion
Avocado
Sweet Corn
Pineapple
Mango
Asparagus
Sweet Peas
Kiwi
Cabbage
Eggplant
Papaya
Watermelon
Broccoli
Tomato
Sweet Potato

I did the same thing when I was pregnant and couldn’t remember which foods were on the “DO NOT EAT OR ELSE” list, which for those of you who haven’t been pregnant recently, now includes DELI MEAT. How I would have killed for a cold turkey sandwich in August last year when I was 7 months pregnant . . .

Anyhow, cheat sheets in my phone. It’s what works for me!

You’re busy, right? Too busy to wait on hold while a computer voice tells you which number to push, only to have to sit through another message to get the next command, when all you really want to do is to is have some fun, AND speak with a real live person! We call it the “Voice Mail Jail.” Have you noticed that you can’t just press “0″ any more to get to a real person? It’s like they’re onto us.

Well, we’re onto them, too. Worth bookmarking, GetHuman.com gives you the short cuts to get through to a humanoid. The guys behind this site are on a mission for consistent standards, among other things.

That’s it for today’s tech tip. I’m going to try and post these once a week on Tuesdays so come back and let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see us tip-i-fy.

One of my favorite hip design blogs, Decor8, is hosting a sweet giveaway for two gift cards to designer Jonathan Adler. First prize is $150 and runner up gets $100. Not bad! I’m hesitant to tell you all, because I want to win! Jonathan makes some beautiful, modern home pieces, including several that pay homage to my favorite new color combo: orange, green and yellow.

Go check it out, quickly – the contest ends on Wednesday, 6/24! (Photo from Decor8)

This will be my husband’s first Father’s Day and I can’t think of a better way to honor him than with one of these cakes. Actually, I can think of a lot better ways, but these are at least funny! As always, Jen at CakeWrecks has the funny goods.  Have you all ever been to her site?  Absolutely side-splittingly hilarious.  I will blog about some of her best “cake wrecks” from time to time. Trust me, once you’ve read the naked mohawk carrot-riding babies post, your life will never be the same.

Many of you know that my day job (well, day, night, occasional weekends) is marketing consulting. We stay on top of a lot of trends which is why this blog is so random-y.  And in my “spare” time, I like to pretend to be a decorator with my own HGTV show (“Decorating for Beginners with Supportive Husbands”).  It’s in that spirit that I offer you a hot, trendy color combo:  orange, green and yellow.  Or sienna, moss and saffron if you want to speak decorator-ease.

It’s everywhere!

Sunburst pillow from Pottery Barn (on sale for $24.99; originally $42) and a tissue box holder from Etsy:

Hudson Pillow from Target

Rectangular trays from MOMA, Festival rug from Anthropologie

Richard <sigh>:

So I’m standing on the shore of the Med. & on my right the sun is setting over Africa. All I can think is this time last week I was at home watching Spongebob.

From my new friend, Tommy:

Kudos to Dr. Phil for making money at stating the obvious. Monday’s Topic: Why Men Don’t Want To Get Married. Tune in.

Here goes Alistair again:

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.

Send in a picture of your baby and his/her dad to enter LeTop’s Father’s Day contest.  Winner receives $100 in LeTop merchandise.  Cute clothes.  Contest deadline:  June 19th.  My son owns the Jurassic Fantastic romper pictured above.  (Sorry I don’t have a picture of him in it, but will work on that!)

Zutano June Contest:  Post a pic of your baby in Zutano gear (gee, wonder if I have a pic I could enter?) on their Facebook fan page by June 30th for a chance to win a $200 gift card.

Kushies Baby-of-the-Month Contest:  Kushies does this every month.  You can enter up to two pics at a time.  Each month’s winner receives $75 in the Kushies store online.  <sigh> I’m going to keep entering until I win!  The pic above is Kushie’s Zebra Layette pattern.  I haven’t blogged about Kushie’s yet, but they’re a Canadian company, great clothes, soft, cute prints (more subtle than the bold Zutano stuff), comfy pj’s, AND they send awesome reusable shopping bags with your purchase.

Becoming-Mom Weleda Baby Starter Kit Giveaway. Ariana tells a great story about how she used to work for this company and closes wtih a giveaway.  Read her blog entry, comment on the Weleda product you’d most like to have, and you’re entered to win the baby starter kit.  Contest deadline:  June 18th.

An Apron Full of Giveaways. All the contests I mentioned above are with products or sites I have personal experience with.  But of course, I can’t be everywhere!  So follow this link for a list of over 70 contests.   And good luck!

My best friend, Terri, saw that I’d bought these for my puddin’ pop and can’t stop talking about them. For those of you without kids, it’s not uncommon for parents to take a monthly birthday photo the first year of their child’s life. Often, parents will prop the baby up next to the same item each month to provide scale to show the baby’s growth.  (We use this HUMONGOUS teddy bear my Dad gave us.) Usually, they mark the age by scrawling on a piece of paper or chalkboard or similar marker and sticking that in the shot.

I was planning to do the same thing until I saw these onesies on Etsy and thought this was a much simpler and cuter solution. These are hand-made. You can buy a set of six or the full first year set. She sizes them appropriately so as you get into the higher months, the onesies are bigger sizes. I’d call these gender-neutral and a perfect baby shower gift.  I paired them with the Trumpettes dots socks, which match great!

Trust me, this is one gift that will make you the hit of the shower. If you’re competitive about these things.

Alistair is writing a new business book: “Swim with the Manatees.” It’s a lot safer, and easier to win.

Let’s say you’re craving Indian food at 2:30 and can’t remember if that restaurant you like closes at 2:00 for lunch. You’re in your car, you’re pre-menstrual, and don’t have the number. What do you do? It’s simple, Nancy Drew. Simply send a text message to Google (466453) with the restaurant name and city and they will text you back the phone number.  (Which, if you’re on a smart phone, you can probably just click on to dial.)  Or let’s say you’re out and about and in the mood to see a movie but don’t know what’s playing or even what theaters are nearby.  Simply text Google with the word “movies” and your zip code or city and they’ll kindly text you back the theaters, movies, and times.  Oh, and Google SMS (Short Messaging Service a/k/a “text”) is FREE.

OK, but let’s say you’re pre-menstraul, craving Indian, AND your thumbs hurt too much to text.  That’s o.k., Princess.  Just CALL Google:  1 (800) GOOG-411 and tell them what you need.  It’s like the old directory service 411 call, only it’s free.  They’ll tell you the number, or connect you directly, and they’ll even text you the number for future reference.

You literally have the world at your fingertips.