Don’t get me wrong; I love our OT, Jessica. I just hate taking Hunter to feeding therapy sessions (and he feels the same way). Every Tuesday, I grab a shower while the nanny packs up the food we want to work with, and we head out the door to fight the last vestiges of rush hour traffic en route to our appointment.

We usually conduct our sessions on the floor, with Hunter in my lap. He was so hysterical when we first started back in January that we couldn’t get him to calm down in the high chair. We found we made more progress if I held him. But Jessica wants to start replicating the home feeding environment so he’s back in the chair. And he’s NOT HAVING IT. Crying, screaming, BIG tears rolling down, twisting to get out of the chair to me, and BIG RED SPLOTCHES on his forehead. That’s how upset he was. He had splotches.

I keep telling Jessica that she needs to bring me a margarita if she expects me to sit through this every week. <sigh>

But really, how can I complain? My poor little guy is having to do all the hard work and he’s scared to death, and mad as hell.

So where are we? He has two finger foods he’ll eat now, which is a big milestone: cookies and those soft cereal bars. We were at the zoo this weekend and I put little bits of cookies in the food tray in his stroller and he stuck his dirty little hands in there and fed himself cookies. I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW HAPPY THIS MADE ME.

He’s still screaming and refusing foods at meal time. My homework for this week is to regain control of meal times. When Hunter puts up a fuss, I sometimes say, “I’ll wait for you to calm down” while I hold the spoon in front of his face (as he furiously shakes his head “no!”). Apparently, I’m not supposed to do that because he can use it as a control device. Hmmm. . . who knew. So I have to make him take his bites. And when he gags and chokes – as he always does – I stay calm and remind him to chew and swallow. Jessica says he has the skills and it’s all behavioral at this point.

I suppose it won’t be the first or last time I have to break him of bad behavior but dammit, this is HARD work. Every single meal and snack. That’s five times a day if you’re counting. Thank goodness for the nanny who gets a couple of those! (And she is really, really good with the feeding therapy.)

Also, the other times I’ve worked on behavioral issues, well, they’ve been easier. It took about two days for him to quit screaming about holding my hand in parking lots. Sleep training was a breeze compared to this. . . a few nights and he had it down. This takes months or years and is a brutal, slow process. And I hear horror stories all the time about the kids who are 3 or 4 and still problem eaters. I hope my little guy sorts it out.

Tonight, he made it through a small sliver of spinach quiche. We don’t give him any baby food; just age-appropriate “real” food. I don’t think he’s getting as many calories as he was on baby food so we have to watch his weight and make sure he doesn’t start to lose weight or fall off his curve.

Still, with all the fussing and small steps, it’s important to remember that three weeks ago, the kid choked on one small bite of cereal bar. And now it’s his favorite food and he feeds himself! So we’re getting there.

Right?

Right.

p.s. – Sorry for the rambling nature of these posts. It’s impossible to collect my thoughts on such an emotional issue. I mostly put this up for other mothers who might be going through this. I had a tough time finding info on it online so I’m hopeful this will help somebody some day. There is hope. It does get better. Stick with it!

And send me a margarita mix.