My friend, Gabe, rarely posts status updates (he’s a lurker) but he put up a bit of the funny today:

I think that free WiFi on Delta and drink vouchers qualify as a Christmas miracle.

Phil again!

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.

Here goes Phil again:

I have decided that everyone in the family is getting Burger King gift cards for Christmas!! Nothing says Happy Birthday Jesus like a flame broiled whopper!!

From my friend, Alicia:

URGENT FACEBOOK UPDATE: As of today, Facebook staff will be allowed to eat your children and pets. To turn this option off, go to settings, then privacy, then meals. Click the top two boxes to prevent the employees of Facebook from eating your beloved children and pets. Copy this to your status to warn your friends!

From my friend, Phil, who is quiet in real life but really lets it rip on Facebook:

Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

Adam is a wise-ass. Always has been, always will be. His Facebook status:

“Jobless Mom Makes $81/Hr (Online)” Wouldn’t that mean she has a job?

My British friend, Alistair (hence the funny spelling of “neighbor”):

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn’t take it out of my garden.

Alistair always brings the funny thoughts.

Cleopatra has the body of a roll-top desk and the mind of a duck. Discuss.

From one of my husband’s co-workers (and my Facebook friend), Richard:

When I was a kid I dreamed of the biggest Slip ‘n Slide on Earth. GA400, thanks for making a kid’s dreams come true.

From Adrienne: I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly

From my friend, Cara:

Here’s something you never want to hear your 3-yr-old say: “Look Mom, I’m a pot head!” Unless of course, he’s in the kitchen playing with your pots and putting them on his head. Then it’s OK.

Do you all watch Glee? It’s must-see TV in our household. The show has a Facebook fan page, as does its cast of characters. Sue, the evil and hilarious coach of the “Cheerios” (cheerleaders) posted this update on her page:

Health insurance is for the weak. I perform all my own medical procedures.

From my cousin Amir:

Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart,” all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart.”

My friend, Alistair, updating his status from merry ‘ol England:

Reading station. Pronounced “Redding.” Just one more way we can identify the American tourists and charge ‘appropriate’ prices.

This may only be funny to Atlantans, but here’s Phillip:

Dear Gov. Perdue, if you’re still praying for rain, you can stop now!