My friend Phillip is out of town, but thankfully, still updating his Facebook status:
Just walked in on some extreme PDA in the Hampton Inn pool!! You are at a hotel…go to your room!!

Alistair:

Hoping to sow a little peace, love and understanding today. Then smack talk during the fantasy football draft. It’s all about the balance.

My friend, Adrienne:

According to German researchers, the risk of heart attack is higher on Monday than any other day of the week. — Aren’t you glad it’s Friday???

This one’s from my brother-in-law. Who knew he was this funny? (Well I did but now the entire audience of this blog — all 10 of you — will know.)

“Octomom slams Kate. Battle of the Year.” Saw this headline on a magazine while in the grocery store line. Made me put down Cosmo and take a look. Only made it through the first eight of “50 moves guaranteed to drive him wild tonight.” Number six was “make meatloaf.” Who knew?

From Adrienne:

So, I woke up this morning thinking about exercise… and I found my new workout mantra — It’s not fat, it’s potential muscle. Happy Tuesday!

Don’t forget to check back here Thursday when we announce our first contest. It’s a good one! I’m so excited about it!

From my dear friend, Brett:

Went over a practice test with my 7 year old. He did so well I had to tell him that his brain is growing… He just stuck a finger in his ear and said, “I don’t feel it.” Two steps forward, one step back?

Oh, Tommy, Tommy . . . you know how people are always warning you that Facebook is going to sell your photos and use them without your permission for ads? (Not true, by the way.) Here’s Tommy’s parody on his update:

WARNING: Facebook is giving away your first born to Norwegian Scientologists!!!!! Go to “Privacy Settings” and right under where it says “Sperm and Egg Donation” change from “Just Friends” to “HELL NO!”

I think Adrienne should write a book. She comes up with the BEST updates!

So, I was thinking this morning about common sense, and I ran across this one — “Do not use for drying pets.” — In the manual for a microwave oven.

It would appear that my friend Tommy is trying to kick his Coke habit. (Coca-Cola, you turds!) Here was his first FB update about it:

Yesterday I gave up Coke. As a native Atlantan, this was hard to do…but, with your help….and Coke Zero…I can do it!

Followed the next day by this one:

Ew. Anyone who “just likes” the taste of Diet Coke probably also ate rocks and dirt as a kid. Jus’ sayin’…

I’m guessing they didn’t carry Coke Zero at whatever restaurant he was at.

Adrienne is on a roll looking up stupid state laws and posting them as her status update. Here’s her latest:
I had a request for stupid Georgia laws…I found one (well, actually several) –It is against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. (Atlanta)

Adrienne actually researches dumb laws and things for her updates. Today’s is a definite head-scratcher:

Another fine law from the state of Alabama: Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. Happy Tuesday.

I think Adrienne is channeling her inner George Carlin. She asks the profound question:

This is one of the great mysteries…. and since I have a lot of teacher friends, this one is just for you: If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Another thing that makes you go hmmmm, from my friend Adrienne:

Something I have always wondered…but never asked — Who shuts the door when the bus driver gets off?

Alistair is writing a new business book: “Swim with the Manatees.” It’s a lot safer, and easier to win.

Richard lost his mind. Found it in a box and then put it back where he found it. 5 second rule: denied.